You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
