I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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