I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
