I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
