My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
