So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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