Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
