My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
