I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
