I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
there is glitter all over my balls
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