i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
