Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
