All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
