"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
