Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
