I need to stop coming to work sober
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
