Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
