everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
