just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Terrible idea I love it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
