I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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