How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
