So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
