ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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