He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
