I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
