You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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