quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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