I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
be right there i have to get my cape
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize