She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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