i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
