The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
