I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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