Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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