Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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