he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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