Who did Billy Mays play for?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
