Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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