there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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