she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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