hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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