I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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