Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize