Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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