i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
