I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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