we're chasing vodka with high fives
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
