I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
