So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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