Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
