Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
