No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
