My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
