Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
