I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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