who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
