I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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