All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
