he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
