I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
