In America we eat man semen.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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