Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
