Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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