Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
