youre lurking in front of me
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
