Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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