Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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