I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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