Whod you bang
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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