I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
