I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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