one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
