two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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