so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
