i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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