i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
