i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
