Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
