my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
