she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
