Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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