I want to walk on stilts...naked
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
