I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
