I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
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