the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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