I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
