Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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