She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
