Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
