My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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