ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
