Just fell off a train. Bad.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize