even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
