we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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