Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
