So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
