And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
