I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
