It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
