Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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