just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
