I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
