my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
